For years, when I struggled with panic attacks and anxiety, my solution was to play it safe. I rearranged my external life so that I wouldn’t be triggered. If something stressed me out, I tried to eliminate it. I thought I was protecting myself, but in reality, I was slowly sabotaging my future.
I believed that by removing all sources of stress, I would finally be calm, finally be free of fear. But that approach didn’t heal me. It weakened me. Instead of building resiliency in my nervous system, I was dismantling it piece by piece. Every time I eliminated a challenge, I was teaching my subconscious mind the wrong lesson: “You can’t handle this. You’re not strong enough.” My world got smaller, and my anxiety grew stronger.
If you’ve ever found yourself stuck in this same trap, please know—it makes perfect sense. If something causes suffering, why wouldn’t we want to remove it? Who wouldn’t want to avoid pain, stress, or fear? But the truth is that real freedom doesn’t come from avoiding challenges. It comes from facing them.
The Trap of Playing It Safe
When you’re living with anxiety or panic attacks, your instinct is to create a bubble of safety around yourself. You avoid certain people, situations, or places that might trigger your symptoms. At first, it feels like relief. But over time, the bubble becomes a prison. The more you avoid, the more fragile your nervous system becomes.
Confidence is built by doing hard things. Resilience grows when we stretch ourselves and step into discomfort. Playing it safe may protect you in the short term, but it sabotages your long-term growth. It tells your subconscious mind that you can’t handle life, and that belief eventually shows up as even more anxiety, even more panic, even more fear.
My Turning Point
The shift for me came when I realized the problem wasn’t the world outside of me—it was the beliefs inside of me. I had been telling myself I couldn’t handle stress, that I wasn’t strong enough, that I needed to avoid hard things to survive. Those beliefs were lies. Once I began working in my subconscious mind to eliminate those limiting beliefs, my life changed.
When my anxiety was gone, I adopted a new policy for myself: if I’m afraid of something, I’m going to make myself do it. That became my rule for living. I wasn’t going to let fear dictate my future anymore.
Now, to be clear, there’s one humorous exception to my rule. You will never find me jumping out of an airplane. That’s where I draw the line! But in every other area of my life, if something makes me nervous, I see it as a challenge. I lean in.
Why Facing Fear Builds Resilience
When you deliberately challenge yourself, when you do hard things on purpose, something powerful happens. Your nervous system grows stronger. Your subconscious mind learns that you are capable. Each time you face a fear, your confidence expands.
But when you shelter yourself—when you avoid, eliminate, or run from everything that scares you—you shrink. You teach yourself that you’re fragile, that you can’t handle it, that you’re not strong enough. Over time, your confidence diminishes, and anxiety takes root.
This is why I say that playing it safe sabotages your future. You may feel better for a day or a week, but in the long run, you lose the very resilience you need to live fully.
The Cost of Avoidance
Avoidance feels like protection, but it robs you of growth. When you avoid:
- You miss opportunities that could change your life.
- You silence your potential before it has the chance to speak.
- You weaken your nervous system and fuel more anxiety.
- You train your subconscious to expect fear instead of strength.
Facing challenges—whether emotional, physical, or spiritual—isn’t just about “being tough.” It’s about rewiring your mind and body to know: “I can do this. I am strong. I am resilient.” That belief is the foundation of confidence, peace, and true freedom from anxiety.
An Action Step for You
I want to invite you to do something powerful right now. Sit down and make a list of five things you’re afraid to do. Not dangerous things—this isn’t about skydiving or cliff-jumping. Write down five ordinary but intimidating things. Maybe it’s speaking up in a meeting. Maybe it’s setting a boundary. Maybe it’s going to a social event you’ve been avoiding.
Then choose one item from your list and create three action steps to move toward it. Plan out how you will face this fear. Break it down into something manageable.
As you consider carrying out this plan, listen carefully to your inner dialogue. What are you saying to yourself? Do you hear thoughts like:
- “I can’t handle it.”
- “I’m too scared.”
- “I’m not strong enough.”
If you do, recognize those as old beliefs—not truth. The truth is that you are strong enough. You can learn what you need to learn. It’s okay to feel fear and do it anyway.
The Core Beliefs of Resilience
If you’re going to face uncertainty and challenges in life, there are some core beliefs you need to plant deep inside your subconscious mind:
- I am strong enough to handle this.
- I can learn whatever I need to learn.
- It’s okay to feel fear—I can do it anyway.
These beliefs transform the way your nervous system responds. Instead of collapsing in the face of stress, your body learns to regulate, to steady, to stand firm.
My Journey Through Suffering
I don’t share this lightly. My own life has been filled with challenges and suffering. I’ve lived through chronic illness, the devastating loss of my child, fifteen years in a religious cult, painful relationship breakups, nearly losing my business, and even the recent fiasco of having my work suspended by Google.
Through it all, I’ve had to learn how to face hardship without letting it break me. And I’ve had to remind myself daily that resilience is built in the fire of difficulty, not in the comfort of avoidance.
My Mantra: “When the Smoke Clears, I Will Still Be Standing”
One phrase has carried me through the hardest times of my life: “When the smoke clears, I will still be standing.” I repeat this to myself as a mantra when I’m going through something difficult. It reminds me that no matter what chaos swirls around me, I am strong enough to endure.
I encourage you to choose a mantra for yourself. Pick a phrase you can repeat when fear rises, something that anchors you in your strength. It doesn’t have to be complicated. What matters is that it speaks directly to your resilience.
My Theme Song: Built From Broken
Music can also be a powerful tool for resilience. My theme song is Built From Broken by Georgia Phantom. That song reminds me that even though I’ve been through a tremendous amount of suffering, I am still standing. I’ve been knocked down, but I keep rising. I am strong, I am capable, and I will keep moving forward to victory.
I encourage you to listen to this song and let it remind you of your own strength. You can find it here: Built From Broken by Georgia Phantom.
The Choice Is Yours
You can live your life playing it safe, avoiding every fear and sheltering yourself from challenge. Or you can choose to face your fears, build your resilience, and create confidence that lasts.
I know it’s tempting to play it safe. I did it myself for years. But freedom doesn’t come from hiding. Freedom comes from teaching your nervous system that you can stand strong in the middle of stress, fear, and challenge.
When you challenge yourself deliberately—when you push yourself to face fear instead of run from it—you unlock strength, resilience, and confidence that will serve you for the rest of your life.
And when the smoke clears, you will still be standing.
Action Step for Today:
- Make a list of five things you’re afraid to do (but that aren’t dangerous).
- Pick one and create three action steps to begin facing it.
- Pay attention to your inner dialogue, challenge the negative beliefs, and remind yourself of the truth: You are strong. You are capable. You can do this.
Choose your mantra. Find your theme song. Face your fears. And start building the resiliency that will carry you forward to freedom, peace, and victory.
