When former hospice nurse Bronnie Ware began caring for dying patients, she didn’t expect that they would teach her some of life’s most profound lessons. Over time, she noticed a recurring theme in their final reflections—regret. In her book, “The Top Five Regrets of the Dying: A Life Transformed by the Dearly Departing”, Ware compiled the most common regrets expressed by those at the end of their lives.
These regrets are a stark reminder of how we can live more intentionally, choosing authenticity, connection, and joy over fear and complacency. Let’s take a closer look at these five regrets and how we can learn from them.
1. I Wish I’d Had the Courage to Live a Life True to Myself, Not the Life Others Expected of Me
The most common regret Ware observed was not living life according to one’s own desires and dreams. Too often, people realize too late that they lived by someone else’s rules—pursuing careers that didn’t fulfill them, maintaining relationships that drained them, and suppressing their deepest passions out of fear or a sense of obligation.
Lesson: The first step toward living authentically is listening to your own inner voice. Ask yourself: “What would I do if I weren’t afraid of judgment or failure?” Allow your intuition to guide your choices, and give yourself permission to pursue what truly makes you feel alive.
2. I Wish I Hadn’t Worked So Hard
Ware noted that this regret was particularly common among men, who often missed out on their children’s youth and their partners’ companionship due to their dedication to work. In a culture that glorifies busyness, it’s easy to forget that time is our most valuable resource.
Lesson: Balance your ambition with presence. Instead of pouring every ounce of energy into your career, nurture your relationships and make time for the people who matter most. Prioritize memories over money, and recognize that success without connection can feel hollow in the end.
3. I Wish I’d Had the Courage to Express My Feelings
Many patients admitted that they had suppressed their emotions to keep the peace or avoid conflict. This led to unspoken resentment, strained relationships, and a sense of never being truly seen or understood.
Lesson: Vulnerability is not a weakness; it’s a pathway to authentic connection. Whether it’s telling someone you love them or sharing how you’ve been hurt, expressing your feelings is vital to living fully. Practice speaking your truth, even if it feels uncomfortable. It’s better to be authentic than to hide behind a façade of calm while turmoil brews beneath the surface.
4. I Wish I Had Stayed in Touch with My Friends
Social connections are fundamental to well-being, yet many people let friendships drift away, caught up in the demands of everyday life. Ware’s patients often reflected on how much they missed their friends and wished they had made more effort to maintain those bonds.
Lesson: Don’t wait for friendships to fall into your lap. Be proactive in reaching out, reconnecting, and nurturing the relationships that add depth and joy to your life. Make that call, send that message, and don’t let busy schedules or minor misunderstandings stand in the way of meaningful connections.
5. I Wish I Had Let Myself Be Happier
Surprisingly, many people admitted that happiness was a choice they hadn’t made often enough. They got stuck in familiar patterns and routines, not realizing that they had the power to break free from old habits and embrace a more joyful existence.
Lesson: Challenge the belief that happiness is something you need to earn or deserve. Give yourself permission to experience pleasure, play, and lightheartedness. Break free from habits that keep you stuck and explore new ways to infuse joy into your daily life.
Choosing a Life Without Regret
These five regrets are a wake-up call to examine your own life and choices. Are you living authentically? Are you sacrificing too much for work? Are you holding back your feelings or letting friendships fade? Are you giving yourself the happiness you deserve?
It’s never too late to make changes. Begin by reflecting on these regrets and noticing where they resonate in your own life. Then, take one small step today toward living more fully and fearlessly. Whether it’s being honest about your feelings, calling an old friend, or pursuing a long-buried dream, your future self will thank you.
Life is fleeting, but regret doesn’t have to be a part of your story. Choose to live with intention, purpose, and joy—starting now.
