What To Do About The Things You Just Can’t Change.

Joeys surgery 2

My son has a genetic condition called osteogenesis imperfecta. His bones break easily. The pictures you see with this blog are from his last surgical repair after a fairly minor fall. My son can exercise and build his bone density but his collagen formation is abnormal and this formation is governed by genetic code. Nothing can change that.

Now imagine if my son decided that he’s simply cannot be happy with this condition. What would happen if he makes changing the situation of condition for personal happiness? Guaranteed he would find himself in a state of anxiety and/or depression. Like so many others, he would be placing external circumstances on his internal state. Thankfully my son has accepted his condition and what he can do to make the best of it and, as a result, he is a very happy kid – despite the fact that every two years or so he goes through something like this.

In my private practice, I find a refusal to accept reality at the root of many cases of anxiety and depression. Many people are unwilling or unable to accept the reality that…

– they have made serious mistakes in the past.

– their relationship has ended or probably will end.

– someone they love has died and will never return.

– they look a certain way and they wanna look like someone else.

There are many other examples. Haven’t we all struggled with this?

– Skinny women want to have more muscle.

– Muscular women want to be skinnier.

– Shorter men want to be taller.

We have an amazing ability to make incredible changes in our lives. And I have discovered that many people don’t change the things they can change, because they don’t believe in themselves and their own capabilities. Never-the-less the most severe cases of anxiety and depression usually center around some thing that can’t be changed – no matter what.

This should cause us to look inside of our own hearts. Do you have belief that some thing in your life must change in order for you to be happy?

If that belief centers around something that you can easily change like dropping a few pounds or organizing your house. You will feel happier for a time, after you accomplish these goals. Sometimes happiness still doesn’t come because you just find something else that you think you must have an order to be happy.

So many people have a belief that they can’t be happy because of something that they can never change or something that happened in the past so they can never undo. Perhaps there is something in the present that they want to be different, but it can never be or something in the future that they feel they can’t live without.

When we cannot change something because it is truly unchangeable we can change internally and still find peace and happiness. Don’t be willing to sacrifice your peace of mind on the altar of resistance and persist in your refusal to accept reality.

Now back to my son… He is happy even though he will have to live with this condition for the rest of his life. He has made the internal shifts that needed to be made in order to accomplish this. In other words, his mindset. I hope you find some inspiration in his resiliency. And I hope you realize, that this resiliency can be yours. You can make these same internal shifts and find peace.

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